Worst Week Ever

I'm sick. Kelly's sick. The girls are sick. What a wonderful week.


However, that isn't the only thing that's made this past week hard. Some of you may already know, but I started taking anti depressants back at the beginning of December. I finally went to my OB and told him I need help. From two babies to a husband out of work, I need some help. And also, let's be honest. I'm depressed. I'll be the first to admit it.


So he started me on Celexa. He wasn't able to prescribe anything too strong since he is an OB and really doesn't specialize in that area. I started taking them right away and within weeks I could see a difference. Only, it was a negative difference. I was feeling worse. I know I know... I can't rely on medication to make me feel 100% happy. But contemplating suicide and having really low moments when I'm on happy pills, that's not right. 


Don't worry, I'm alright. After talking to Kelly and some friends, I decided to see my Physician to discuss some options. I went in last week and she made me feel out a couple of sheets. I guess just to see how depressed, anxious I was and if I needed therapy. It was hard to be honest, because I hate admitting that I'm not doing well. I'm supposed to be strong, right? Well I suck at it! That's why I took Kelly. I wanted to make sure the Doctor knew the truth. 


They immediately wanted me to stop Celexa and told me that in some cases, these pills can have the opposite effect on you. Which I guess I was one exception. They decided to start me on Wellbutrin which I've tried in the past, but wasn't faithful taking the pills. Luckily my husband and I know have a pill taking time both in the AM and PM because of his anti seizure medication. I swear I feel like we are 80 years old when we pull out all of our pills.


So I started taking them on Tuesday. Hence, the bad week. I'm going through a withdrawal from the Celexa and I won't start feeling the Wellbutrin for awhile. So I'm all sorts of emotions. Plus I've been sick and it hasn't been getting better. It's hard to get better when there are two little babies to take care of. You have to put yourself last. Luckily Kelly, who also feels sick but won't admit it, has been letting me rest. He let me sleep for a couple of hours yesterday and is letting me relax today. I have to get better. We can't afford me not working. 


And then more depression comes in. I know most of you won't understand and think I'm just lazy, irresponsible, crazy or over dramatic. But it's hard. It's hard to just get out of bed in the morning, let alone go to work or take care of two babies. I should be strong, right? I need to be strong! Just get up, get to work, take care of my family! Seems simple enough. But it's really hard. I know some of you who read this won't understand and probably won't believe me when I say I'm trying. But I don't know what else to do. I'm trying to make myself happy right now and can't worry about what other people think. I need to focus on me. However selfish that may sound, but I need to get better. Not only for myself but for those adorable baby girls who are counting on me and for a husband out of work. 


Worst Week Ever. 

{ 8 Months }

My babies are 8 months old today! I can't believe how fast time flies. It really does once you have kids. They change so much month to month...





Ella Rae


Our content baby. I know I say that every time... but she really is. * However, once she gets mad... step back. * Our dancer. If you haven't seen the video, check two posts back. * Difficult sleeper. She always has been. It's only at night though. She is only one that will fall asleep in her crib at night time. * One of her cheeks is fatter than the other. * Difficult eater. Well, only when her Dad feeds her. She moves a lot so the food gets all over her face aka frustrating Daddy. * She can hold her bottle, but only when she wants to. 

Avie Joy


Our singer. She loves to scream, especially early in the morning. * The best sleeper... at night. Once she falls asleep, she stay asleep. However, nap time in the crib isn't her favorite. * Loves to kick. When she lays on her back, she brings her feet into her chest and throws her legs down. It's amazing how strong she is. * Will eat anything. She gets very upset if you don't feed her fast enough. * Biter. She's got two teeth and she knows how to use them. * The thief! Whatever Ella is playing with, even it it's the same thing she has, she will grab it from her sister!

They both:
Suck their thumbs at bedtime or nap time. * Have their bottom two teeth. * Rollers! You put these girls on the floor, you can NOT expect them to stay put for long. As soon as they fall over, they are rolling like crazy. * Animal lovers! They love Kittie, Rosie, Lucas and Simon. And of course, they love to stare at the fish. We've only had 1 bad experience and it was with Kalie's dog, Maggie. I think it's only because they don't know her or see her everyday. * Changing clothes or diapers has become the worst part of the day! They will not sit still and just try to roll over on. Which is really hard when changing diapers! I know it's only going to get worse! * Big Pear, Peas and Green Beans Lovers! * Both are starting to love to cuddle which makes me so happy! * Almost waving... it's coming along. * They both now reach out for you if you want to hold them. * Getting really good at balance. They love sitting on the floor.


The last month has been fun. This last week, not so much since they've been sick. It's hard to see them sick but I know there is more like this coming. I'm excited to see what this next month brings. Crawling maybe? Being able to lift themselves back up after falling? 
I don't know!


Best Friends!! Or are they?

Scared to Stop...

So, I'm thinking it's time to stop nursing. I don't do it often. I'm basically just nursing for their 8 AM feeding and the 8 PM feeding. It's been working well, until recently. 


I've been taking anti depressants, which the Doctor says won't harm the girls, I still feel uncomfortable about it. Besides that, my sweet little girls have decided that they like to bite me. Now I don't know if you have ever had that happen... I guess some girls are kinky. But with newborn teeth (kinda like a puppy) it hurts like HELL! I'll be honest. I've really only had a problem with Avie, but Ella is now starting to do it. 


I started a trick my friend Leigh told me, but it isn't really working. After they bite, I immediately take them off, sit them down and walk away. But all I get is a screaming baby who ends up doing it again. 


So why am I scared? After explaining the above, you would think I would be glad to stop. I guess I'm scared of the pain that comes with stopping. My boobs will get huge and I've heard it is PAINFUL! Plus, will I lose that special bond that I have with the girls? I mean, they probably don't feel it. But I'm wondering if I'll miss it. It's the only thing that I can do that Kelly can't. 


I don't know.

Too Early for Another Blog Challenge?

I'm considering another blog challenge...


My sisters friend Elizabeth, well I consider her my friend too, started a blog challenge not too long ago and it interests me. This blog challenge is a little more personal, really deep topics. So instead of picture after picture, I'd be writing.


I just know that I finished a blog challenge not too long ago and didn't know if people would think I'm going overboard. If anyone even reads my blog anymore...


Hmm. I guess it's something to think about.

Ella = Dancer!!

My little Ella Rae! We noticed some time ago, that she would dance or wiggle with a certain song on one of her toys. It's a wiggle song that is on their toy mirror thingy. We thought it was funny that she was dancing to that song because it specifically sings about wiggling. Each day, she gets more and more into it and better at it! She has even started doing it to any song or noise! I absolutely love watching it, simply because of her head movements! Her head is so heavy, she just looks so special!! I heart her!!

Big Blue Eyes!!

I love my big blue eyed baby girls!! My Avie and Ella! Plus those CHEEKS!

They make me so happy!

I'm in love with these little girls!! Their smiles just light up my life! They've become the best of friends, getting excited every time they see each other. 

I've been so worried the last week and a half and I've been going crazy. With Kelly not able to drive for another 3 months, he'll be out of a job. It sucks that he had to have 2 more seizures, but I'm happy they happened when they did. It's a new year, so he qualifies again for disability. That way, we know we are getting money. We may look into some part time work for him so he doesn't have to sit home and go crazy for the next 3 months. 

But I look at my girls and I know that everything will be okay. Everything will okay as long as we stick together as a family. Cheesy, right? Along with worrying, I've been super emotional too. I'm even tearing up just writing this. I don't know what I would do without my girls! They make everything worth it! Even working extra hours to make some more cash. I miss them terribly, but this is for them! I want to be the best Mom that I can be!!

LOVE THEM!

XOXO

Andee

Blog Challenge: Day 30

Day 30: Who am I?

I MADE IT!! Day 30!! I can't believe it's been a month. How fast time flies!

I don't know how much I like the last day though... Who Am I?! I honestly don't know if I can even answer that question. I think I'm still trying to find out...

However I would hope that when people think of me, they would say I was:

Kind - Honest - Trustworthy - Fun - Lovable

I hope to be a good mother to my girls and a loving, supporting wife to my husband! They deserve the absolute best from me!!

XOXO

Andee

I guess I can just go back to blogging about my girls! :)

Blog Challenge: Day 29

Day 29: A picture that can always make you smile

BATH TIME!

I will always smile/laugh when I see my girls in the tub! They are so entertained by the water, it's so cute to see them splash. They especially love taking a bath together! It can get a little slippery and hard to manage 2 at once, we've had a couple of tip overs. But the girls are okay! They are best friends and love being together!!

XOXO

Andee

Blog Challenge: Day 28

Day 28: A picture of yourself last year and now. How have you changed since then?

Sisters and me, December 2009

Okay, so I can't find any recent photos of me. I'm sure Erica and my Dad have some from the holidays, but I haven't gone through them yet. Besides... nowadays, no one really wants to look at me. They want to look at my beautiful little baby girls.

Ella December 2010

Avie December 2010

How have I changed? Well, others may not see it... but I definitely feel different. It's crazy at how much you change when you have kids. I didn't know how selfish of a person I was before then. Okay, well maybe I knew but I was never honest with myself. I mean, I was #1. Not only to myself, but I made sure I was #1 to Kelly. Now, girls are #1. I guess I didn't realize until now, but I never really put anyone else before me. I always looked out for myself. Sounds terrible thinking about it. But now, all I think about is the girls. Yea, I get a little upset here and there because of it, only because it's hard not being able to do what I want whenever I want it.

I would do anything for my girls. There happiness means the world to me!! I'm still adjusting.. I still struggle with some things. Work being one of them. I just get into those moods where I want to stay in bed all day. But I need to realize, that I'm a mother now. I'm a provider. I NEED to work! I started taking some medication about 2 weeks ago, but I think it's make me even more depressed. Plus with Kelly's accidents last weekend, my anxiety has shot through the roof.

A lot has happened in a year, that's for sure. I've learned that you can't take your family for granted. Love and love as much as you can! Grow up and take care of your family! Sleep isn't everything! Everything will be okay as long as you believe it will be!

I'm hoping for a great 2011! The girls will be meeting some fun milestones this year. Crawling, walking, first word, first tooth and I can't wait!! Yea, today wasn't the best day, but 2011 is just getting started. I'm looking forward to see what the year brings!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

XOXO

Andee